The pandemic destroyed my creativity

As a author and entrepreneur, I’ve all the time cherished developing with concepts. It’s all the time been second nature to me. My previous coworkers used to joke about my machine-like capability to generate checklist upon checklist of concepts for brand spanking new content material, outreach methods, and extra, and it was the simplest and greatest a part of my job. That’s, till the day final October I discovered myself brainstorming concepts for a brand new undertaking, and after what felt like hours of sitting in entrance of a clean doc, the one factor I had written was the next sentence:

“I’m not okay.”

It was a wake-up name for me. What had beforehand been my final power felt prefer it was utterly gone, and I knew at that second that I hadn’t simply hit the proverbial “pandemic wall,” it hit me—with the power of a runaway freight prepare.

Within the early days of the pandemic, I felt fortunate. I’d been working remotely for 5 years, which meant I didn’t want to fret about transitioning to a brand-new work atmosphere like so many others. I had a job I cherished, a boss who was versatile and understanding, and—other than the wrestle of adjusting to my associate’s presence in our cramped house workplace—all the pieces ought to’ve been straightforward. 

However the reverse turned out to be true. As a substitute of blazing by way of my work days as if nothing had modified, all the pieces flipped the wrong way up. I may barely focus, my motivation dwindled, and I used to be caught in a continual state of burnout. Even after I launched my personal content material advertising company with a roster filled with purchasers, I didn’t really feel hopeful. I simply felt dread.

In hindsight, it’s straightforward to see how I used to be affected by the unbelievable stress of watching U.S. COVID-19 charges climb greater, and the fixed unanswered query of when (or if) the world would return to regular. However on the time, I felt like I had no motive to be confused, overwhelmed, or combating issues like motivation, creativity, and productiveness. 

I discovered myself floundering, regardless of doing all the pieces I may consider to remain productive and artistic. The longer it stretched on, the more durable it was for me to maintain my head above water. Ultimately, I misplaced my greatest shopper once they moved the work in-house, and regardless that I used to be the one who turned down the position, I discovered myself unable to manage. I had no concepts, no motivation, and no prospects, and I used to be so depressed that I critically thought-about closing my enterprise and giving up on . . . all the pieces.

It wasn’t till July 2021 that I spotted I had to select. I couldn’t proceed down the trail I used to be on, and I used to be uninterested in being drained. So as an alternative of forcing myself into one thing new—in any case, I knew my issues would simply comply with me into a brand new job, a brand new metropolis, or a brand new life-style—I made a decision to strip issues right down to the very fundamentals, and take away any “shoulds” from the method.

I began by establishing a easy routine that concerned scheduling time for creativity. Tuesdays had been devoted to recording new episodes of my podcast, a course of that beforehand felt like pulling tooth, and I put aside just a few hours each week to work on my writing course of—one thing I’d deserted just a few months into the pandemic. As soon as every week, I inspired myself to attach with my artistic aspect in small, low-effort methods, like sketching on my iPad.

I had felt monumental stress to do issues like script my weekly podcast episode, write common weblog posts, and design new social media graphics. I spotted it was this stress that had brought about me to begin avoiding these duties altogether. The weight of my personal expectations had slowed my progress to an entire halt, so I threw out any expectations that weren’t completely obligatory. Scripted episodes of my podcast had been changed with off-the-cuff conversations, saving me hours of manufacturing time and psychological stress every week. I finished anticipating myself to work a sure variety of hours every day and used Notion to create a weekly activity checklist that stored me making progress with no need to fret if I solely labored half-hour sooner or later and 9 hours the following. 

I began viewing issues like creativity and productiveness as water: I couldn’t management the ocean, however I may be taught to foretell and journey the waves. Whereas that meant some issues fell to the wayside (like my enterprise’ Instagram), it additionally meant surprising issues flourished (like my TikTok hitting 50k followers in 7 months).

From there, I began addressing my wants outdoors of labor. I spotted that I used to be combating worry and overwhelm, so as an alternative of ignoring these feelings, I began addressing them. I developed a low-pressure journaling follow and began writing about my feelings, my stressors, in addition to some other points that popped up at work or at house. I began meditating to discover ways to be current, reorganized my day by day routine to compensate for fluctuations in my vitality ranges, and practiced saying “no” to issues that drained me. Even a small change like ditching my Apple Watch helped me counter the stress to all the time be on. I spotted I’d been carrying notifications round my wrist each single day, and each notification got here with an intense stress to reply—to be all the time accessible. That sense of immediacy was exhausting.

As a substitute of counting on the principles put forth by others, I turned an knowledgeable in myself. I realized to take heed to my physique to acknowledge—and reply—to my bodily and emotional wants, which in flip paid dividends. This meant I may inform the distinction between the form of fatigue that wants an additional cup of espresso and the fatigue that should name it a day. It took follow, however ultimately, I may even inform when my creativity wanted a break, an outsider’s perspective, or just to push by way of a psychological block. 

One Monday morning, I sat down at my desk and will inform throughout the first hour of labor that issues weren’t taking place. As a substitute of berating myself for it like I’d’ve previously, I cleared my schedule, closed my laptop computer, and spent the day resting. By the following day, I awakened feeling so refreshed that I flew by way of two days of labor with much less effort than if I had pushed myself to keep it up the day prior to this. And because of this? My psychological well being improved, my enterprise picked up, and my creativity recovered with method much less effort than I assumed it could take. 

Is it an ideal resolution? In fact not. Am I again to my pre-pandemic ranges of creativity and productiveness? No, however that’s okay. As a result of, in actuality, there is no going again. There’s solely ahead. Change is inevitable—whether or not it’s by selection or by power—however there’s energy in accepting and adapting to it. From there? You determine what works greatest for you. In spite of everything, you’re the knowledgeable.