How to effectively deal with jealousy at work

We’ve all felt jealous earlier than. As a lot as you strive not to, maybe you possibly can’t assist however discover when your boss praises your coworker and one way or the other skips over your contribution. Or possibly you’re feeling envious when others have been invited to an after-work pleased hour, and also you have been not noted.

Although it’s regular to sometimes end up envious of a colleague’s success (or to really feel their eyes burning into your again once you get a promotion), it’s additionally important to handle these emotions appropriately. In any other case, it will possibly create a poisonous surroundings that isn’t useful for anybody. 

Typically talking, jealousy is a sense derived from disgrace and low vanity, explains therapist Janette Marsac. In an expert setting, a shame-driven particular person could interpret and internalize suggestions as ‘I’m horrible.’ It could sound like ‘I didn’t get the acknowledgement or elevate as a result of I didn’t deserve it.’ 


“This self-defeating internal monologue that drives jealousy is extraordinarily frequent amongst shame-prone people within the office,” she says. “Jealousy tends to come up often when an individual feels insufficient for his or her job or could also be experiencing imposter syndrome.”

Yikes, proper? Regardless for those who’re experiencing jealousy otherwise you suspect your teammates are envious of your development, there are efficient—albeit a tad uncomfortable—methods to handle the feelings and transfer ahead. 

What to do for those who’re feeling jealous

Earlier than you make a rash resolution or react inappropriately, take time to have an sincere check-in with your self to attempt to discover the supply of your emotions. The straightforward act of labeling your feelings verbally can scale back their depth, explains Dr. David Rock, the CEO and founding father of NeuroLeadership Institute. If you pause to label a sense of jealousy, it will possibly make it easier to perceive the way it impacts your cognitive features and actions. 

If you happen to need assistance dialing into your psyche, strive asking your self these questions:

  • When did I begin feeling this manner?
  • Was there an interplay that spurred these emotions?
  • How can I deal with triggers? 

Use comparability correctly 

Whereas it’s simpler stated than achieved, comparability isn’t a wholesome observe. It could be a pure response to see the way you stack up towards another person, nevertheless it isn’t an correct indication of your talents, Marsac says.

As a substitute, it’s extra useful to measure your private {and professional} progress over time. “Do a assessment and remind your self of all you’ve completed because you grew to become an expert,” she continues. “All of us had to study our trades and grasp them, and that appears completely different for everybody. How we study, our motivations, dedications, and total life experiences affect how we work and what our work seems like.” 


And even when a colleague is seemingly additional alongside of their profession than you might be, Marsac says it’s important to have in mind paths could look comparable, however they’re by no means the identical. All of us wrestle with confidence and skills, even when it doesn’t seem that manner from the skin perspective. 

Have a candid dialog with your supervisor

In some instances, your jealousy could also be legitimate—or maybe, it’s the signal that there’s been a misunderstanding. If a colleague has one thing that you simply suppose you deserve, too, contemplate what makes that true, says Watchen Nyanue, a strategist and the founding father of I Choose the Ladder. Is there information that helps your emotions? Are you able to show it? In that case, it’s time to have a dialog with your supervisor. Nevertheless, Nyanue says this dialogue ought to heart on you, not the opposite particular person. 

“Come to the dialog not in a defensive manner, not in a manner the place you’re accusing your supervisor of one thing—even when that’s how you’re feeling,” she says. “That’s not the information that’s going to make it easier to get to the place you need to be. You need to discuss to your supervisor with information that helps you to advocate for the place it’s that you simply’re attempting to be.”

Problem your self to have a good time the successes of others

A part of being an expert (and being an grownup) is celebrating different folks’s successes. Simply because another person is having a spectacular quarter within the workplace and yours is lower than stellar, that doesn’t imply you’re doomed to keep the course. As a substitute, strive to take their accomplishments as inspiration, Nyanue recommends. Good vitality creates extra good vitality—and lately, we may all use just a little extra positivity.

“You have to be within the house of celebrating as a result of everyone’s working exhausting for that. They might not be working exhausting by your requirements, however most individuals are working exhausting for them,” she says. “You need to have a good time the wins of your colleagues as a result of success is within the constructing, and you recognize that ultimately, it’s going to be your flip.”

What to do if somebody’s jealous of you

Everytime you’re round one in every of your teammates, do you’re feeling uneasy? Perhaps it’s the way in which they disregard your concepts. Or maybe, they bluntly provide the chilly shoulder. When your instinct suggests somebody is jealous of you, it may be tough to tackle the priority. Right here’s how: 

Have the (uncomfortable) conversion

If there are conditions which have occurred on a number of events and also you’ve recognized a sample and picked up the information, Nyanue says you possibly can then have a dialog. Truthful warning: It most likely gained’t be probably the most snug expertise, nevertheless it may assist get to the basis of the problem if carried out kindly and professionally. “It needs to be concerning the state of affairs, so the particular person doesn’t really feel attacked,” she says. “Perhaps generally it’s an unconscious factor that they’ve, or possibly it’s an insecurity that they’ve that they don’t even know is displaying up in the way in which that it’s.”

For instance, Nyanue says you may open the dialog with this assertion: ‘Hey XX, I’ve seen that X, Y, and Z occurs once I, [present an idea, give feedback, etc.]. I’ve seen that I get shut down each time. Can we talk about this?’


If you happen to really feel just like the particular person is open to chatting, it may very well be useful to ask questions to get at the basis of the jealousy, says Joanna Lovering, govt presence coach and the founding father of Copper + Rise. “Typically, the presenting downside shouldn’t be actually a core of what’s happening,” she says. “What’s sometimes at the core of jealousy is worry. Concern of dropping their job, worry of being embarrassed, worry due to impostor syndrome. If you happen to may also help that particular person get to the basis of that right here, the jealousy will fall away, and you’ll have a significantly better relationship with this particular person.”

Bear in mind, it’s not your accountability

Typically, there isn’t a lot you are able to do to assist another person work by means of their jealousy. As Marsac places it, you’re not accountable for another person’s emotions or interpretation of you. “If you happen to did an important job at work and a colleague or boss appears jealous of you, remind your self that’s their expertise with feeling jealous,” she says. “An individual shouldn’t change their work effort to tip-toe round a colleague who could expertise jealousy. Work with good intentions, preserve integrity, and permit your self to really feel proud for a job effectively achieved.”